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Tag Archives: suflet

HOW TO SURVIVE VALENTINE’S DAY WHEN YOU ARE ALONE ♡

Posted on 11 January 2015 by Alice Posted in Articole .

     ♡ With Valentine’s Day just a couple of days away, many are frantically trying to figure out how they can express their love for their significant other, while others are trying to find a way to avoid the hearts- and love-filled holiday altogether. Valentine’s Day on every level is about love, and so often when we are single on such a holiday, we begin to feel depressed, as though there must be something wrong with us or we would have someone to share the day with. While feeling depressed and lonely is an understandable way to react, there are ways to combat those feelings and embrace the single life, even on a romantic night such as Valentine’s Day.                                                                                                           

Psiholog, Psihoterapeut Iliescu Alice

Psiholog, Psihoterapeut Iliescu Alice

  • Suggestion No. 1: Don’t try to avoid the holiday. As someone who has been single more Valentine’s Days than not, I can tell you the desire to not see ads for flowers, not see giant, red plastic hearts hung from store ceilings, or not see bowls of cheap, chalk-like candy hearts that say “Be Mine” everywhere won’t keep you from seeing them. Just as every year I get tired of Christmas music two days after Thanksgiving (if not sooner), I have learned to embrace it. Just because I don’t want to hear it doesn’t mean that every time I walk in a store, turn on the TV, or even listen to the radio I am not going to hear at least part of a song. Instead of loathing those hearts (or Christmas songs), embrace them. When I hear Christmas songs, what I do is think of the spirit of the song. This does not mean I love every song, but I listen with the heart of a child or from the point of view of the person who composed the song and what led to writing it. The same can be true of Valentine’s Day. I loved taking show boxes to school as a child, making places for all the cards, then picking the perfect card for each person in my class. Don’t view the symbols of Valentine’s Day as reminders you are alone, but as reminders of childhood.
  • Suggestion No. 2: Valentine’s Day may have a romantic origin based on the love between two people, but make a date with you. Get a bottle of wine and take a bubble bath, or make yourself dinner and watch your favorite movie. Some of the best dates can be those in which your date is you. Take yourself out for a night on the town and do all the things you enjoy. Remember, in or out of a relationship, we must love ourselves and be comfortable being alone. If a relationship ends, it is ourselves that we are left with, and even when we are with someone, there are times that it is just us. For that reason, we have to learn to enjoy our own company. After all, we like all the same things and enjoy all the same places; what is there to not like?
  • Suggestion No. 3: So often, we look at the holidays—not just Valentine’s Day—as days not only to celebrate, but of expectations. I am a romantic, and have been since I was 7 years old and wrote my first love poem (yes, it rhymed). That said, I am not the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day for one simple reason: It is a day where the whole world wants to know “what did you get for/from your partner?” If it isn’t something big, or what others perceive as romantic, you will get that look and head shake, judging you. I don’t think all the romance of a year should be placed on one day. I have always preferred to be surprised with a gift for no reason at all. I also much prefer giving someone flowers or making dinner for no reason other than I wanted to, or knowing my partner had a hard day. Being single on holidays may be hard and can be lonely if you let it be, but there are advantages. For instance: “I don’t have to buy diamond earrings; I can get myself something instead.” I am in no way saying relationships are bad or that romance is. I am simply saying embrace the single life, if that is the life you lead. If you are single, don’t think about what you are missing; think instead of what you are not obligated to do.
  • Suggestion No. 4: While Valentine’s Day is often seen as related to romantic love, make it about not just self-love, but platonic love. This is easy to do. Man or woman, gay or straight, old or young, we all have single friends, and chances are when Valentine’s Day rolls around a number of them feel the same desire to avoid the holiday like the plague. This being the case, why not spend that day or evening together? While yes, misery loves company, that is not what this is about. The idea is not to sit around and dwell on the loneliness or lament a lack of a relationship, but to embrace being single. Instead of giving or getting flowers or candy, give each other some “white elephant”-type gift, some goofy thing that no one needs but makes you think of each other. Go out and paint the town, or (if you are like me) hang with a buddy at your favorite dive bar. Make the day not about the lack of a love you can’t imagine being without, but the presence of a friend whose friendship you can’t imagine being without.

Single or coupled up, the fact is no one day should control your happiness or your romance. You will be the same you, have the same value, the same appreciation for things on February 15 as you did on February 13, so why should February 14 be different? Give yourself the break you deserve and judge yourself not on the one day of the year the calendar says “today is for lovers”—instead, remember that every day you need to love yourself.

Psiholog, Psihoterapeut Iliescu Alice

Psiholog, Psihoterapeut Iliescu Alice


 

 

 

 

 

 

Inspired by GoodTherapy.org

 

 

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Tags: alice, bucurie, casatorie, cuplu, depresie, despartire, divort, dragoste, ideal, iliescu, implinire, iubirii, lipsa, pereche, psiholog, psihoterapeut, sanatate, singur, singura, singuratate, speranta, suflet, ziuaindragostitilor .

Iubirea, Intoarcerea in Paradis ♥

Posted on 3 January 2015 by Alice Posted in Articole .

♥ Povestea omului care nu credea in iubire

Povestea spune ca a fost odata un om care “nu credea in iubire. Evident, a avut o sumedenie de experiente in incercarea de a gasi iubirea; mai mult, i-a observat si pe oamenii din jurul sau. Si-a petrecut o mare parte din viata cautand iubirea, dar singurul lucru pe care l-a descoperit a fost ca aceasta nu exista.
Oriunde se duce eroul nostru, el le povestea oamenilor ca iubirea nu este decat o inventie a poetilor, un concept creat de religii pentru a-i manipula pe cei slabi, pentru a-i controla, pentru a-i face sa creada. El le spunea ca iubirea nu este reala, si deci nimeni nu o poate gasi, oricat de mult ar cauta-o.
Omul nostru avea o inteligenta foarte vie si era foarte convingator. El a citit o gramada de carti, s-a dus la cele mai bune universitati si a devenit astfel un savant reputat. Putea vorbi in orice piata publica, in fata a tot felul de oameni, iar logica sa era foarte puternica.
El le spunea oamenilor ca iubirea este ca un drog, te ameteste si te face sa o doresti din nou si din nou, creandu-ti dependenta.(…)
Intr-o buna zi insa, eroul nostru se plimba prin parc. El a vazut acolo, asezata pe o banca, o fata frumoasa care plangea. Vazand-o cum plange, s-a simtit curios.
De aceea, s-a asezat langa ea si a intrebat-o daca poate s-o ajute cumva. Va puteti imagina surpriza lui cand ea i-a spus ca plange pentru ca iubirea nu exista. “Uimitor, i-a raspuns el, o femeie care crede ca iubirea nu exista!” Evident, a dorit sa afle mai multe despre ea.
-De ce spui ca iubirea nu exista? a intrebat-o el.
-Ei, e o poveste lunga, i-a raspuns ea. M-am casatorit pe cand eram foarte tanara, cu toata iubirea, cu toate acele iluzii, plina de speranta la gandul ca imi voi imparti viata cu acel barbat. Ne-am jurat reciproc loilalitate, respect si credinta si am intemeiat o familie.
Dar in curand totul s-a schimbat. Eu am fost sotia credincioasa, care avea grija de copii si de casa, in timp ce sotul meu a continuat sa se ocupe de cariera. Pentru el, imaginea si succesul erau mai importante decat familia noastra. Am inceput sa ne certam, iar la un moment dat am descoperit ca nu il mai iubesc, la fel cum nici el nu ma mai iubeste pe mine.(…)
Intelegand-o perfect, el a imbratisat-o si i-a spus: “Ai dreptate, iubirea nu exista. De ce sa ne mai obosim sa cautam iubirea?”
Cei doi gandeau la fel, asa ca s-au imprietenit rapid. Intre ei s-a creat o relatie frumoasa. Se respectau reciproc si nu s-au dezamagit niciodata. Pe masura ce relatia avansa, ei deveneau din ce in ce mai fericiti impreuna. Cand nu erau impreuna, ceva lipsea din viata fiecaruia dintre ei.
Intr-o zi, pe cand era plecat din oras, eroului nostru i-a trecut prin cap o idee absolut ciudata:
<<Hm, poate ca ceea ce simt eu pentru ea este iubire. Dar e o senzatie atat de diferita de ceea ce simteam inainte. Nu are nimic de-a face cu ce descriu poetii, nici cu ceea ce afirma religia caci nu ma simt deloc responsabil pentru ea. Nu iau nimic de la ea, nu simt nevoia ca ea sa aiba grija de mine, nu imi vine sa-mi vars frustrarile asupra ei pentru esecurile mele.>>
De-abia astepta sa ajunga acasa si sa-i spuna de ideea ciudata care i-a trecut prin cap. Nici nu a inceput insa bine sa vorbeasca si ea i-a si luat vorba din gura:
-Stiu exact ce vrei sa spui. Mi-a trecut si mie prin cap exact aceeasi idee, cu mult timp in urma, dar nu am vrut sa-ti spun, caci stiam ca nu crezi in iubire. Poate ca iubirea exista totusi, dar nu este ce credeam noi ca este.
Cei doi s-au decis sa devina amanti si sa traiasca impreuna si au ramas uimiti sa constate ca lucrurile nu s-au inrautatit in niciun fel.
Inima barbatului era atat de plina de iubirea pe care o simtea incat intr-o noapte s-a produs un mare miracol. Privea stelele si a descoperit una care era incredibil de frumoasa, iar inima lui era atat de plina de iubire incat steaua a inceput sa coboare si s-a asezat in palma lui.
Apoi s-a produs un al doilea miracol: sufletul lui a fuzionat cu steaua respectiva. Era extrem de fericit si de-abia astepta sa se duca la iubita lui si sa-i daruiasca steaua, ca semn al iubirii sale pentru ea.
Cand el i-a daruit insa steaua, femeia a simtit un moment de indoiala; iubirea lui era prea coplesitoare, si atunci, steaua a cazut la pamant si s-a spart intr-un milion de cioburi.
Si uite-asa, am ajuns iarasi la un barbat batran, care colinda lumea si tine discursuri despre faptul ca iubirea nu exista.
Acasa la el, o femeie in varsta, dar inca frumoasa, isi asteapta barbatul si isi plange amarul pentru paradisul pe care l-a tinut pentru o clipa in mana, dar pe care l-a pierdut din cauza unei clipe de indoiala.
Aceasta este povestea celui care nu credea in iubire.”

Va las pe fiecare sa desprindeti invataturile din aceasta povestioara. Si speram ca atunci cand o stea
va cobori pentru a fi primita in palmele noastre,
sa gasim puterea de a interioriza acea clipa,
fara a arunca asupra celorlalti
responsabilitatea emotiilor noastre.
Sau daca vreodata o stea ne va fi daruita,
sa gasim din nou puterea,
de aceasta data de a primi binecuvantarea care ni se ofera.

Cu adevarat, a iubi este o arta…

apaude Don Miguel Ruiz

Psiholog, Psihoterapeut Iliescu Alice

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Tags: alice, asteptari, atasament, casatorie, casatorit, control, credinta, cuplu, detasare, dragoste, extaz, fericire, iliescu, implinire, inger, iubire, mariaj, noroc, paradis, pereche, psiholog, psihoterapeut, regasit, reintoarcere, soarta, sot, sotie, stiinta, suflet .

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